


A Lack of Confidence

by tyrannosaurus_rose



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Bromance to Romance, Bullying, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 13:03:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6007105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrannosaurus_rose/pseuds/tyrannosaurus_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cloud gets the letter of his life, he's not expecting things to turn out quite like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lack of Confidence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silverleaf14](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=silverleaf14).



> Happy birthday, Silverleaf14! (And for anyone else, happy Valentines! I guess.)

Sephiroth was the coolest kid in Midgar High School.A star football player, he was the guy every guy wanted to be and every girl wanted to date.And Cloud, timid, scrawny, non-athletic, victim of bullies and social pariah Cloud, was completely, head over heels in love with him. 

 

Cloud Strife was not exactly openly gay, but the way the student body ribbed him it was hard to tell the difference.Cloud endured near-constant whispers of “fag,” “pansy,” “bitch,” “little girl,” and “pussy;” people pushed and tripped him in the halls, took his things; he had even been beaten up a few times. 

 

“I don’t know what you see in him,” Zack said one day over lunch.Zack Fair was about the only person in school who spoke to Cloud in anything like a friendly way, and he _was_ a good friend — but he had never understood Cloud’s crush.“He’s just like all the other jocks.Why don’t you go after someone who actually likes you for you?”

 

“ _You’re_ one to talk,” Cloud admonished him (gently, because he didn’t want to start fighting with his only friend), “junior captain of the lacrosse team.” He didn’t bother to add, ‘And besides, no one except you likes me at all.’

 

Zack shrugged.“Yeah, but you know me, Spike, I have my nose in everything.Lacrosse is fun and all, but sports aren’t my _only_ thing, see?Not a jock.”

 

Cloud rolled his eyes.Zack truly was a social butterfly: he flitted in and out of nearly every group in school, and was on bad terms with nobody.He didn’t approve of the way the school treated Cloud, but at Cloud’s insistence he had stopped trying to defend his small friend. 

 

“Sephiroth’s just… he’s different, ok?He’s not like those other guys.He’s really cool!”

 

“If you say so,” Zack said, but he still sounded a little dubious. 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was a typical Tuesday at Midgar High when everything changed.He opened his locker, pleased to notice (in a detached way) that all his things still seemed to be there.But there was something else, too — what was that?A letter?

 

Cloud picked up the small, square envelope, turning it over in his hands.This was pretty weird.Only Zack ever spoke to him, and Zack wasn’t the type to write letters — he would rather just say whatever was on his mind. 

 

The bell rang, signaling the passing period, and Cloud scooped up his books, tossing the mystery letter into his bag to deal with later.But his mind kept wandering back to it all throughout class, and in the end he snuck off to the bathroom to read it. 

 

_Dear Cloud,_

 

_I can’t stop thinking about you.I want to be with you.I’ve never felt this way about a boy, but I just can’t get you out of my head. Meet me in room 212 half an hour after school gets out._

 

_We won’t have a lot of time, so if you get there first go ahead and get started without me.I’ll join you as soon as I can.I can’t wait to touch you, Cloud._

 

_With love, Sephiroth_

 

He read it through three times and felt like he might faint.How was he supposed to go back to class now?!A note like that… of course, he had spent hours imagining just such a sentiment from Sephiroth, but how could he ever have thought those wild daydreams would come true?Sephiroth, having feelings for him?Wanting to… wanting to touch him?Sephiroth, liking another boy?And of all the boys in the school, he had singled out scrawny, insignificant Cloud… it _must_ be true love. 

 

Deciding that he couldn’t stay away from class much longer without being suspicious, Cloud hid the note away and scurried back, amazed at his own willpower.It wasn’t enough to help him concentrate as the minutes ticked by.The last few minutes of the last class of the day felt like hours — oh, and he would still have to wait half an hour more before he and Sephiroth could finally be together!

 

Cloud went straight to 212 as soon as the last bell of the day rang, and ended up having to wait awkwardly in the hall as the last few students trickled out.They didn’t pay him much notice, but the teacher stayed in there _forever_ , and Cloud was beginning to worry his rendezvous wouldn’t get to happen at all.Sephiroth obviously wouldn’t want to be with Cloud where anyone could see them — if he came by and Cloud was standing around in the hallway, surely he would just keep walking. 

 

But thankfully the teacher left with nine minutes to spare, casting Cloud an odd look as she left.“Were you waiting for me?” she asked, a concerned look on her face. 

 

“Uh, no, I’m uh… I think I forgot something here earlier?” it was a lame excuse, but she seemed to buy it, and with a nod of acquiescence she held the door and then, thankfully, walked away. 

 

Cloud looked around the room.There was nothing remarkable about it — it was an average classroom.A few desks here, a poster there — but maybe that was why Sephiroth liked it?Surely no one would think of this place for a hookup (is that what this was? Cloud blushed brightly at the thought), not like something generic and overdone like behind the bleachers or in the locker rooms.A classroom was… sneakier.And to Cloud, that made it classier. 

 

Cloud pulled out the letter and read it through again.Get started without Sephiroth… but started on what?Cloud suddenly wished he’d asked Zack more about how dating worked.Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.Zack liked everyone, but didn’t approve of Cloud’s interest in Sephiroth… maybe Cloud should have asked him about this before coming up here.Ugh, but Cloud always felt nervous approaching Zack in public. 

 

Well, once he was dating Sephiroth he wouldn’t have that problem anymore.Sephiroth was King of the school, and Cloud would be his Queen.Cloud clutched the note to his chest, wiggling back and forth a bit in excitement.Ok, ok, he had to get control of himself.Glancing up at the clock, he realized he only had a minute left — and surely Sephiroth would be punctual.What had the note said?Get started without me… I can’t wait to touch you?Then… should Cloud… take off his clothes? 

 

Just his shirt to start, maybe, Cloud decided.But after taking it off, he couldn’t help but feel a wave of self-loathing wash over him: he was so small, so weak-looking.How could Sephiroth really have feelings for a guy like him?

 

Cloud was just about to put his shirt back on with the door opened.Cloud spun around, delighted that his moment had finally come — and of course, Sephiroth was perfectly on time — and then he saw who was there, and his face fell.It was two of Sephiroth’s jock friends, Genesis and Angeal.Angeal wasn’t so bad — he wasn’t a bully, and Cloud knew Zack really looked up to him, being the senior varsity lacrosse captain — but Genesis was a total jerk. 

 

Cloud, a long-term victim of bullying, had always wondered how Genesis could get away with being so blatantly gay and have no one say anything about it, but it was probably because he was so good at everything.He excelled at individual sports, leading the cross country team in the fall and playing tennis in the spring.He was in the drama department, too, as though he had to prove he _could_ work with a group, and he always got cast in the lead roles. 

 

And there he was, lounging in the doorframe with a cruel smirk and a video camera directed straight at Cloud. 

 

“My, my, what have we here?” he drawled.Angeal guffawed by his side. 

 

Cloud flushed in anger and embarrassment.“L-leave me alone!”

 

“ _Leave me alone_ ,” Genesis parroted in a sing-song voice.“Oh, but you look so lonely over there all by yourself.” 

 

“Go away!” Cloud shouted, tears of humiliation springing into his eyes.He told himself sternly not to cry.As long as Sephiroth didn’t see him like this, he would be fine.He had suffered worse, hadn’t he? 

 

“Why? Don’t tell us you’re expecting someone else?”

 

Angeal laughed lowly.“Can’t have been expecting much,” he said softly.“Didn’t we say clearly that touching would be involved?But he only took off his shirt.”He tsk’d lightly.“Disappointing.”

 

Cloud held his shirt in front of his chest, trembling and trying to glare.He needed to keep calm — whatever happened here was obviously being recorded.By tomorrow, the whole school know of his humiliation.How could he have been so stupid?!

 

“He was expecting something,” Genesis replied easily.“Or perhaps… someone?Someone like…you?” he glanced back over his shoulder as he said the last word, and Cloud’s heart sank.He knew what was coming before Sephiroth even stepped into the room. 

 

“Hey, Seph,” Angeal greeted his friend jovially.“What do you think?Is he good enough for you?He’s all excited at the prospect of belonging to you.Are you gonna make his dreams come true?”

 

Sephiroth sneered.“As if I would bother with a stupid, wretched little worm like that.” 

 

“Ah, but it’s fun to watch him squirm.Look, he’s trembling in excitement just from being in your exalted presence.” 

 

Sephiroth gave Cloud a cold, appraising stare, weighing his value and finding him wanting.“And to think, you actually believed I could truly care for you.Pathetic.”He turned to go. 

 

“Anything in particular you wanna see on this video tomorrow?” Angeal called after him. 

 

“Do what you like,” Sephiroth said, voice so low Cloud could hardly hear through the roaring of his heartbeat in his ears.“It’s hardly worth my time one way or the other.” 

 

Angeal laughed, and Genesis offered another one of those cold, uncaring smirks — but then, mercifully, miraculously, Genesis snapped the video window on the camcorder shut, and followed Angeal out the door, letting it swing shut behind them. 

 

Cloud sank to the floor, clutching his shirt to him, numb with adrenaline and relief.He couldn’t believe he had gotten off so lightly.Even if that video did get released, it wasn’t like he had cried or pissed himself. 

 

* * *

 

Cloud wasn’t sure how long he sat there on the classroom floor.At some point, his nervous tension had broken, and a few shocked tears had slid down his cheeks, but they were long dried now, and only the tight feeling left on his skin by the salt reminded him it had happened at all.Eventually, he put his shirt back on and gathered his things to go. 

 

His fingers lingered on the letter.He had to take it, one way or the other — it wouldn’t do to leave it lying around, and let it be found.It had his name on it, and in hindsight it was obviously meant as a cruel joke, not a sincere missive; but Cloud wondered if he should just throw it away, or hold onto it. 

 

For a short hour, that letter had lit a beacon of shining hope in his heart.What would it be like to like someone and have them like you back?The letter had promised the answer.And even if Sephiroth could never have liked him, a broken, sad part of Cloud reminded him that, for the first time in his life, the great Sephiroth had spoken to him.

 

Cloud started walking as he thought about it.Maybe this memory wouldn’t be such a bad one after all.He had been humiliated, sure, but that was no different from any other day at school; and he had gotten to spend time with Sephiroth, even if it had only been a little.Sephiroth’s friends had acknowledged Cloud’s existence. 

 

By the time he got home, Cloud had completely convinced himself that this had been, on balance, a good day. 

 

“You’re late!” his mom accused by way of greeting, rushing over to him as he came inside.“What happened?Are you ok?” 

 

“I’m actually fine,” he replied, for once feeling like he was telling the truth.He usually hid his struggles from his mom — after all, there was really nothing she could do. 

 

“Well, your friend is here, so don’t keep him waiting.He’s up in your room.” 

 

“Uh,” what?Who would come visit him at home?“Ok, thanks.”

 

Cloud’s room was upstairs, and he thundered his way there, sure that whoever was waiting would have heard him talking to his mom and know he was coming anyway.He flung his door open with casual surety — after all, he was in _his_ territory here — and was surprised to be suddenly engulfed in a hug. 

 

“Finally!Where have you been?I came as soon as I heard.Are you ok?” Zack asked, voice muffled as the taller boy spoke into Cloud’s hair. 

 

“I’m fine,” Cloud replied.“Really.They didn’t do anything to me.”

 

Zack snorted, pulling back from his death grip.“Don’t be ridiculous.I saw the video.Those assholes!I tore Angeal a new one, let me tell you.”

 

Oh.So the video was already making its rounds, then?Somehow, Cloud still wasn’t that worried.“But they didn’t do anything.”

 

“What I don’t get is what you were doing in that classroom without your shirt,” Zack said, as though he hadn’t heard Cloud. 

 

Cloud squirmed. _This_ was the truly humiliating part: admitting to Zack, the one person who cared about him and had his back, that he had done something as stupid as believing that ridiculous note.But Zack wasn’t the type to let a subject die.It would be better to just tell him. 

 

“I found this in my locker,” Cloud said, producing the letter and handing it to Zack.Cloud took a deep breath, bracing himself for Zack’s reaction.He had handled plenty today — if Zack wanted to yell at him for being an idiot, he deserved no less, and would bear it with pride.It was one mistake Cloud wouldn’t make again. 

 

But when Zack looked up at him over the note, meeting his eyes, there was no admonishment there.Cloud was prepared for a reprimand, but what he found was only sorrow and sympathy. 

 

“Oh, Spike, I’m so sorry,” Zack said, reaching for him again.“What a rude awakening, huh? C’mere.”Zack pulled Cloud over to his bed, and the two sank down together, Zack keeping Cloud tucked safely against his side. 

 

“You can say it, you know,” Cloud whispered, surprised to find himself so overcome with emotion.It _was_ a rude awakening.He had been putting a good front on it, but finally knowing, once and for all, that Sephiroth would never return his feelings — it was crushing. 

 

Zack sighed.“I don’t want to say it.I feel like an jerk.I should’ve been there for you.” 

 

“You _told_ me not to trust Sephiroth.You warned me not to like him, and I ignored you.” 

 

“You don’t get to pick who you like.I should know.”

 

“What?”Cloud hadn’t even known Zack liked anybody.There had been that girl Aerith, but they broke up last semester.Cloud had mixed feelings about it at the time: Aerith had always been kind to him (whenever they were forced to interact), but her presence cut into his time with Zack.Still, Zack’s pain had been real, and Cloud tried to be there for him.Had he failed so badly that Zack no longer confided in him at all?“Who?Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Well… it’s a guy,” Zack hedged, looking away. 

 

Cloud rolled his eyes.“Like I’d judge you about _that._ Tell me about him!”

 

Zack shrugged, still not meeting Cloud’s eyes.“He’s kind of a shorty, but really cute.When he smiles, he lights up everything around him, but it’s rare because he doesn’t have a lot of self esteem.I’ve been trying to help with that, but he never really seems to believe me when I tell him about his good qualities.” 

 

Cloud shrugged.“He’s probably just really dense.Well, or maybe oblivious?Normally I’d tell you to just tell him how you feel, but around here, with another guy, that could be a dangerous move.You should make sure he’s not one of the crazy homophobe types first.” 

 

Zack laughed.“He’s definitely not a crazy homophobe.”

 

“Well great!Then just tell him how you feel.You’re popular, you’ll probably have better luck than I did.” 

 

Zack finally turned back to look at Cloud.“You think so, Spike?”

 

“I know it!” Cloud grinned.“Go get ‘em.”

 

“Ok.Then… Spike… I like you.”

 

“Yup, just like that!I’m sure he’ll understand.” 

 

Zack stared at Cloud for a moment.Then he tried again.“No… Spike, seriously, I like you.”

 

“You just — wait.Wait, ME?”

 

Zack rolled his eyes.“Do you understand?” he asked dryly.

 

Cloud stared up at him, eyes wide.“What — but — but I’m a nobody.I’m — I’m a pathetic worm.” 

 

Zack cursed.“I swear to god, the next time I see that asshat Sephiroth I’m gonna punch him in the fucking nose.You’re not a worm, idiot, you’re awesome and I really like you and I’m trying to ask if you like me too.”

 

“I — well, I mean, of course I _like_ you, but —“

 

“But not like that.I get it,” Zack said easily.“Hey, I know I’m no Sephiroth, but I am sincere.Even if… even if you don’t feel the same way, can you do something for me?Just… don’t let anything Sephiroth or those guys say get to you, ok?” Zack stood, turning to go, but Cloud reached out and grabbed his sleeve. 

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“You don’t believe me?”

 

Cloud shook his head.“It’s not that I don’t want to, just… after today…”

 

Slowly, Zack sank back onto the bed.Cloud was still gripping one sleeve, but with his other hand, Zack reached up to Cloud’s chin, guiding the blonde boy’s face toward his own.Then, Zack sank forward, and pressed a gentle kiss to Cloud’s lips. 

 

“Do you believe me now?” he whispered, pulling back just far enough to get the words out. 

 

Cloud gulped, then ducked his head to press against Zack’s chest, hiding his blush.Finally, he looked up again, and, meeting Zack’s gaze head-on, blush still tinging his cheeks, he nodded. 

 

They both grinned shyly at each other for a moment before their lips once again sought each others’. And there, finally, with each successful kiss coming hot on the heels of the last, Cloud began to learn what right felt like. 

 


End file.
